When she was asking me about my work, she was animated and bright-eyed. When she started talking about her experiences with men, her face became a scowl and her energy got dark and angry.

When I offered a few pointers on how she could change her outcome, everything about her told me, “I am locked into my belief that men are jerks, there aren’t any good ones left, and I’m not willing to waste my time trying to meet a good man.” Her words, her tone of voice, her body language, her facial expressions… everything was shut down to hearing anything I had to offer. In her mind, she was right and I wasn’t about to change that.

When I thought about this later, I realized that a lot of women are stuck in this same way of thinking. Let me ask you this: If you are trying to meet your soul mate and you are harboring those kind of thoughts about men - that they’re jerks - do you think you’ll be putting out attractive energy?

This is a perfect example of “What you put out into the universe, you get back.” In other words, when you think men are jerks, you’re going to be searching for verification that you’re right… and guess what? You’ll find examples everywhere.

I rarely meet jerky men. In fact, most men I meet are lovely. But I’m open to them, interested, appreciative, and have a desire to have a heart-to-heart connection with them. And that’s what I get back in return.

So take a personal inventory of how you really feel about men. Make a list of what’s good about men, and on the other side, what’s bad about them. Notice which list is longer. And even more important, notice the energy you feel inside your body as you read each list. You’ll know whether you need to alter some of your thinking.

And if you’re in a relationship or dating someone and wanting him to fall madly in love with you… so much so that he can’t stand the thought of ever losing you, you can’t make that happen if you have any “Men are jerks” thoughts bouncing around in your head. No matter how attractive or sexy you are, if you don’t know how to make him feel like a man he’ll eventually leave you.

Many women think men are jerks because that’s what they attract. If you’re tired of that, take my course, How To Recognize The Right Man For You. You’ll be amazed how fuzzy your picture of Mr. Right has been. To get what you want you need clarity. This course will give you that and a whole lot more.

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
Learn about  Date Smart & Win His Heart, Men Made Easy
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

5 Ways To Turn Men Off:

1) Slouch. One of the quickest, easiest ways to look completely unattractive, to actually be repellent, is to slouch. When you stand up straight and proud you say, “I’m confident, comfortable with who I am, and I’m worth getting to know.” When you slouch you’re saying, “I’m not worthy of your notice, I’m insecure, ignore me, treat me as a second-class citizen.” What man will be interested in that. Plus, you send great energy when you stand tall and as an added bonus, your breasts look much more attractive.

2) Smoke. If you really want to turn men off big time, light a cigarette. When you do so you advertise that you’re a low-class woman; your hair, clothes, and breath will stink; you will taste horrible when kissed; you have no respect for your body or your health or your future appearance because you are guarantee to be very wrinkled, and wrinkled before your time. I don’t think I need to say more. Being a non-smoker will keep the door open to a classy, quality man.

3) Get drunk. This will advertise very nicely that you lack self-control, that you are blind to how embarrassing you are, how risky it will be that you will throw up, that you will most likely sleep with a man too easily. Ah yes, the lists goes on. This is especially effective on a first date with a quality man. Stick to one drink when you’re meeting a man and you’ll be safe from this turn off.

4) Swear. If you are looking for a man who doesn’t need to respect his woman, then swearing will certainly turn the classy, quality men off and get you the attention of crass, disrespectful, tacky men. In my opinion, a woman should never swear when someone she doesn’t know, or doesn’t know very well will

5) Let your body go to pot. Most men, even those who are way out of shape want a woman who appears healthy. Not skinny, just healthy. You don’t need to be a size 2. You can be a size 12 and be healthy. So if you want to turn men off, gain weight, don’t exercise, and to add a guarantee, ignore your hair, make-up, clothes and generally show that you have no respect for your body. That’ll pretty much do it.

If you do any of these things, just know that you are narrowing the field. As you get older, you need all the help you can get so doing any of the above makes it more and more difficult to find a good man to share your life with.

One of the bonus books with Date Smart and Win His Heart is How To Stop Blowing It With Men. And my self-guided course, How To Stop Sabotaging Your Dating Success will help you get rid of any unknown behavior that is causing you to not get asked on dates, or not get a 2nd or 3rd date.

From my heart to yours,

I’d say a great substitute for beautiful breasts would be a beautiful spirit, a beautiful energy, a beautiful heart. A better substitute for beautiful breasts is kindness, service, Feminine Grace. But no one is talking about that in any of the women’s magazines.

On my radio show on Tuesday, I spoke on the subject: The Ugly Side Of Beauty. One of the things I talked about was breast implants. Not for women who have had mastectomies or who are so flat chested they don’t feel like women. No, I was talking about big for big’s sake. This has always seemed sad to me.

Here’s why the need for implants is so sad:

1. A woman with too large breasts, sitting front and center as the focus of attention is completely missing the point of trying to look beautiful. The attention should go to the eyes, the proverbial doorway to the soul. When the breasts steal the focus, it’s hard to get past them to the real person behind those breasts. Maybe because so many women who need large breasts so badly are dead inside. A beautiful, bright spirit will outshine “beautiful breasts” any day.

2. Too-large implants are noticibly artificial. That makes it obvious that this woman is insecure and needs sexual attention from men rather than showing off her true essence and what’s in her heart. Pretty shallow and very obvious to others. And you know what, it doesn’t fix the insecurity, it just helps take the focus off of the woman having to show up as the beautiful being she is underneath.

3. Large breasts are a fad. Just as removing ribs to get a smaller waist was a fad at one time. Many women who got implants years ago, when the Victoria’s Secret models made implants the fashion of the moment, are now having them removed. I’ve heard them say they feel like they get themselves back when the get rid of the implants.

4. It’s life threatening. To risk life or to become deformed for a fashion trend is preposterous. And when high school girls are getting implants, that’s the parents fault to have created such insecurity and focus on appearance in their daughters.

What if all that energy and money was spent on enhancing your essence? What if our cultural belief shifted to this: There’s No Substitute For A Glowing Spirit”?

Until next time…

From my heart to yours,
Kara Oh
Learn to understand men: Men Made Easy
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

Can you guess what an “Ugly Stick” is? Well, you catch it on fire, it has a horrible odor as the smoke permeates a room (and sometimes even the outdoors), you stick in in your mouth, then you suck that foul smelling smoke down into your lungs so it can eat away at the lung tissue, eventually either destroying enough of the tissue so you need to carry oxygen around with you because your lungs aren’t capable of breathing well enough on their own, or it gives you cancer and you die a really horrible death.

None of this is secret information. EVERYONE knows this is what the “Ugly Stick” does. But, young people who smoke don’t look much beyond the end of their noses… or, more accurately, beyond next weekend.

So here’s a couple of reasons why even the most gorgeous woman becomes instantly ugly when she smokes. It shows she’s stupid; it makes her hair and clothes smell foul; and it makes her mouth taste and smell like an ashtray. Somehow, these young women think all this makes them more attractive. And it does, but only to those young men who are also stupid, with foul smelling hair and clothes and mouths that taste and smell like ashtrays. A match made in heaven.

It will be interesting to see if any of the attractive men and women on the upcoming True Beauty shows smoke.

Until next time…

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
The School Of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace: FeminineGrace.com
Learn all about men: Men Made Easy
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

In my years of observing how people relate, I’ve come to the conclusion that every issue and dissatisfaction in a person’s life boils down to some heart condition. For a variety of reasons, their heart is shut down. Either because of some desire to protect their heart or, in the case of a lot of attractive people, they just weren’t taught to be caring of others because they’ve been spoiled all their lives.

To start being more attractive, more beautiful, simply start being more caring of other people’s needs. Especially needs of the heart. People need to be accepted for who they are, acknowledged and appreciated, and receive thoughtful kindnesses.

And the most wonderful side effect of opening your heart to another is you get to be happier. Want to know more? I’m here when you need me.

Until next time,

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
Dating advice: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

But the reason she has all that isn’t because she’s gorgeous. Yes, that opened the doors for her. But there are plenty of gorgeous women, even top models, who are only that. The reason she continues to advance her success is because she has such inner beauty that she glows like the sun. I call it Glow Flow™. Her love of life, her youthful playfulness, her utter lack of fear of looking foolish (we love that she plays the fool) are all part of who she is. And most important, she is real, with both feet on the ground. She is not full of herself, she does not think she’s better than others, she is self-effacing and makes people feel comfortable in her presence.

Heidi Klum is the perfect person to use as an example of what inner beauty looks like. All those qualities of love, big heart, celebrating life and playfulness are exactly what I teach in my courses at The School of Charm, Seduction and Feminine Grace. Heidi Klum is my ultimate Poster Woman.

Until next time…

From my heart to yours,

The Heart Whisperer™

Kara Oh
The Heart Whisperer™
All about dating: SecretsToDatingSuccess.com

Here are 3 things you can do immediately to make yourself beautiful in the ways that will capture his attention and want to get to know you better:

1. Be a woman. This may seem odd advice but too many women today try to be a better man than he is. There’s a built-in competitiveness between men and women that has silently crept in to our culture. Not sure what it takes to be a woman? Watch some old movies with Audrey Hepburn. She’s strong and feminine; smart and enjoys allowing a  man to be the man; and she isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.

2. Give him opportunities to be your hero. Oh, my feminist sisters, please don’t stop reading. This is one of the most essential ways you can stand out among all the other women who have cut their teeth on female empowerment.

Yes, he knows you can do pretty much anything you put your mind do. He even likes that about you. But when you make him feel useless, you’re emasculating him and men are really, really, really attached to their gonads. Try to cut them off and they’re “outta here!”

Ask him to do things for you once in a while, then appreciate the heck out of him. He’ll beam and think you’ve a goddess.

3. Be a lady. This is another thing that  may seem obvious but you wouldn’t how often I hear women swearing “just like the big boys”, walk like a plow woman or treat people rudely. All these behaviors are a turn-off to a man. Again, let him be the man. 

What you’ll gain from the above is an newfound joy in being a woman. It’s a lot of work to be in the men’s world of commerce so give yourself a break and relax into the pure bliss of Feminine Grace. You’ll love it and so will he.

From my heart to yours,

Kara Oh